Good morning. It looks like everybody is clearing out for the holidays and things are finally beginning to settle down a bit for the holidays. But I'm happy to see that the true stalwarts still posted beautiful stories today. And not everybody went the horse-whispering, either!

Mogabog dazzles once again with an excellent story from Outer Space. Sigoo Jerny is a horse from a planet with extremely high gravity. Explains a lot, doesn't it? Sigoo faces some adversity in his young life, but comes out on top. Just the right kind of inspirational story to lead us into the weekend! Nicely done, Mogabog.

Terry Tolleson brings news from the Society Page. Ms. Junitai Kowou has a serious shoe fetish that would make Imelda Marcos blush. Being a devotee of fine footwear myself, I certainly understand how to get there from here. I don't want to go for the easy joke here, but ladies and gentlemen... The Pony wears Prada!

Stephanie comes at Monster 34 from a wholly unexpected angle: She presents the chagrinned thoughts of somebody faced with a photo of herself that was taken at a less than proud party moment! Brilliant idea, Stephanie! We've all been there, but I would've never thought to make the connection with Number 34. Nice work!

Finally, Sam Berkes brings us home with his yarn of Lip Zan, who had her social ups and downs and finally ends up in a strange isolated hell that channels Bill Cosby and Soylent Green. Sam, you did good! Thank you!

Thank you also for the nice side comments all of you left today. It's a pleasure to create the monsters for you, and a great honor to provide the spark for your always surprising and brilliant stories. Oh... you guys.. you complete me!

Needless to say, the monsters will continue throughout the holidays. I'm heading out of town for a few days, but I spent today pre-taping enough monsters to get us safely into the New Year. Some fun creatures came through today, so you have many fun characters to look forward to. There may even be some seasonally appropriate ones in the bunch. You never know.

Today's Monster is a bit of a scary one. Or maybe he's just petulant? What's he shouting about? Or is he inhaling deeply to feed off the particles in the smoggy air of his planet? is he the size of a mountain? Or does he fit in your coat pocket? What's with his horrible teeth? And what about that little spike on his forehead? If the answers come to you, I'd love to hear them! Why? Because 344 LOVES YOU


  • 23 December 2006 8:24 am

    His hand slapped the side of the rock face. Gripping a bulging ledge and hoisting himself up, Hankor could now see into the mouth of the enormous cave. “Perfect.” This would be his new home. Hankor was still young, but old enough to live on his own. All Spekulars ventured out at a certain age to find their own larger caves and Hankor just found his.
    Hankor pulled himself over a cropping of rock to enter the cave. Landing with a soft thud on the floor, he stood erect and surveyed his new home. It was rather moist once inside. More so than he anticipated, but not necessarily unexpected, and a bit of a blessing. The floor had some lichen and was slippery in some spots. “Quite a wet one, I’ve found. Excellent!” This particular mountain zone was just on the edge of a vast desert. Having a home that was naturally cool and with some humidity in the air would provide an excellent respite for desert travelers. Upon entering the cave for shelter, they would be consumed immediately. Hankor was very pleased. “A little sprucing up here and there and it’s ‘Home Sweet Home’.” As the giants of the land, Spekulars would either find a very large cave to lie in wait for smaller animals to venture deeper in the cave or simply appear to be their own cave.
    Togdor was stirring from his slumber and blinked his eyes slowly as he awoke. After a moment, he took a look about the landscape. The desert off to the south. The rest of the mountain range behind him. “Another day,” he thought to himself. He stared for several minutes, contemplating his day and then he felt it. A small padding by his lower molar. The edges of his wide open mouth curved slightly upward with delight. Relaxing for a second, just before the entire mountain seemed to come to life. The cave entrance shook violently as Togdor closed his mouth. Hankor looked up in shock at the opening as it closed around him. “AN ANCIENT!!!! NOOOOO!!!!” Togdor grinned as he swallowed his meal while resetting his mouth. “Home Sweet Home.”

  • 23 December 2006 9:41 am

    Hi, I’m sort of new here, but I’d like to contribute a story if I may.
    “Alright, order please!” the announcer boomed over a slightly feedbackish microphone. “This meeting of the 28th Chapter of the Rotten Pumpkins Prevention Society is now in session. Our first topic of discussion is this creature” – pointing to the rather large creature to his left – “who has obviously suffered from Rotten Pumpkin disease. Look at those hideously carved teeth! Now they’re rotten!” The crowd oohed and ahed in amazement.
    The creature, however, was in chains and handcuffs. Apparently he had been arrested off the street just to be shown at this meeting. “How dare you, fools!” he yelled. “I will eat you all up if you don’t shut up at once!”
    The announcer seemed stunned. “Well, I mean -”
    “Silence! How DARE you arrest me and bring me here. You said that I was speeding!”
    “Well, I didn’t know that -”
    The creature finally lost his temper, and broke out of his chains. The audience scattered quickly as the creature made his way towards the podium where the announcer stood. The creature gave him a ponderful squint, but quickly devoured the man.
    “That will show him not to arrest me!” Where will this creature go next? Will he ever be forced to attend another Rotten Pumpkin Prevention Society meeting? No one will ever know!

  • 23 December 2006 9:41 am

    This guy looks like a small country to me. With Spikey mountains to the north, a shore crashing on the east coast and a large city to the south. The vast outback in the west is inhabited by large monsters that happen to look exactly like a map of the country.

  • 23 December 2006 11:32 am

    I don’t think those square pointy things are teeth at all. If you look at him from a different angle, he looks like a turtle with a long thin tongue that curls up off of the page. He also has a feathery protrusion coming out of the back of his head. The bottom of his skull and shell are covered in squarish bony knobs. And the spike growing out of the top is just his hair-do. He’s going for the little rascal look.
    Oh yeah, and his name Norla, brother of Morla the Turtle. He stands only three lengths of a Kings arm tall. And he likes grape soda with twisty straws (on account of his long curly tongue).

  • 23 December 2006 8:57 pm

    This doesn’t pertain to the monster, but I saw your entry on http://www.thisisbroken.com. Those parking stripes ARE confusing!

  • 23 December 2006 9:03 pm

    Hello Schlockading. Believe it or not, that’s a different Stefan Bucher posting that picture. He also has a collection of photos on Flickr. No relation, no contact. Just a shared name. Though he lacks my sexy middle initial. And I’m sure you agree that you do need that middle initial. It really pulls the room together. (Thank you for posting a story, too! Please check back after midnight for today’s story roundup to receive lots of Thanks and praise!)

  • Sam B.
    23 December 2006 10:35 pm

    I’ve often wondered what the ‘G’ stands for. I’m sure you get asked all the time, but never tell right? Thats ok. At least it ties the room together.

  • sue bebie
    13 April 2008 4:59 am

    Bodo Bockels Liebe zu seinem Bagger hat krankhafte Formen angenommen und ihn an den Rand des finanziellen Ruins gebracht. Teuer, viel zu teuer waren sie seine neuen Schaufeln. Völlig verarmt und psychisch am Ende entschliesst er sich, sich selber als Bagger zu verdingen. Ein schwieriges Unterfangen für einen auf Kleinlebewesen spezialisierten vegetarischen Tierfreund.

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