DAILY MONSTER 201



Good Morning. Just for laughs, I decided to post a new Daily Monster every day this week. It's been so long, and I've had fun filming a few of them over the past few days, so I want to share them with you. If you feel like posting a little story for them, I'd enjoy that. But if you just want to take a look and say Hello, that would make me happy, too. For now, please meet Daily Monster 201:

In case you were wondering: 344 LOVES YOU

26 Comments

  • Bill
    24 August 2009 4:57 am

    he’s just trying to hail a taxicab; but, for some reason, they never stop.

  • 24 August 2009 5:05 am

    I didn’t realize that old Lenny Kravitz song was about the Monsters, but it must be, right?

  • 24 August 2009 7:28 am

    *wavin back @ya* Happy Monday, 201!

  • Janet Mayes
    24 August 2009 8:01 am

    It’s a bear trying to get those Vibram sole boots on so
    early in the morn…Luv u Stefan! See u at your book signing.Janet

  • Vicky
    24 August 2009 9:40 am

    ;-D I take this especial appearance of a new monster as a good luck sign for the rest of the day. Good things are going to happen!

  • 24 August 2009 2:36 pm

    Thank you, Annie! :^)

  • 24 August 2009 2:37 pm

    Oh, nice one,, Janet! Yeah, that’s roughly the motion and face for me trying to achieve the same goal. :^D

  • 24 August 2009 2:37 pm

    Hi Vicky! I like that the Monsters are a portent of good things to come! Thank you. :^)

  • Simon Darwell-Taylor
    24 August 2009 2:40 pm

    Of course Ernesto Velvetino needs no introduction to the monster operatic loving-public, but I accept that isn’t all of you, so let me share with you a little of the maestro’s beginnings.
    Ernesto was born in the small port of Oia on one of the world’s most beautiful Greek Islands, Santorini. He grew up as the 107th child in a family of 239. So you could almost call him a troubled middle child, except that the twins, Varco and Vasco (no.118 and no.119) were by far the more troubled and had a more legitimate claim to the being the middle children.
    All of his siblings followed in the family business supplying the Island’s rat community with a ready supply of putrefied human flesh, which came from the near endless supply of tourists.
    But Ernesto was made of, shall we say, more delicate, sensitive stuff. He balked at the idea of tripping up blue-rinsed, old ladies down the dark, steep steps that lead to the port. He recoiled at the thought of having to give a swimming honeymooner a cramp-bite on the leg before dragging them down until their lungs were full of water. And as for all the butchery, worm stuffing and pickling – well he’d rather offer his own flesh to the rats to dine on.
    Fortunately, being 107th in a family of 239 meant that Ernesto went unnoticed most of the time. So on the night that the cruise liner The Oceanatic Cloud docked, no one noticed he wasn’t at dinner. Nor did they notice the next morning, when the ship pulled up anchor that his nest of human hair hadn’t been slept in. And neither did anyone show concern that his fingernail stew went untouched at breakfast. Although the family all agreed during the meal that sounding your big ship’s horn so early in the morning was frightfully rude.
    That night, Ernesto ventured out with the carpet voles to explore his new home in the hope of a better life. All he heard as he snuffled around the carpet were the passengers and crew sharing their shock and surprise at how a man as strong and as fit as Dougie Mullen could have drowned in such shallow water. It must have been cramp. And what a talent he was. And how brilliant he sang. And who was going to be the headline act tonight, now?
    And so it was, by the time The Oceanatic Cloud docked 3 weeks later, Ernesto was already on his way to becoming a star

  • Karen Linderman
    24 August 2009 2:41 pm

    Life had never been easy for poor Brunhildamonster. (S)he was born a hermaphrodite into a Hasidic family of otherwise normal mutant monsters inside their rent-controlled residence at the 3 Mile Island Monster Commune on a stormy Summer evening in 1985. Brunhildamonster had developed a severe identity crisis after being treated like an outcast and teased mercilessly by the others for years and had never quite figured out if (s)he was more Chordata/Vertebrata/Amphibia or more Chordata/Mammalia/Eutheria-Placental. Life had dealt Brunhildamonster a bad hand.
    Finally the age of 18 came and Bruni decided to leave the nest and venture out into the world to find his/her true identity. After numerous rejections from the opera, (s)he landed a job at the infamously seedy Club 84 in the Village known for it’s outrageous female impersonators. Brunhildamonster became a minor celebrity, briefly, as the first ever Hasidic female impersonator portraying the Queen of England. But the critics were harsh and complaints started rolling in that Bruni’s elephant sized hand just didn’t look royal enough and that (s)he just hadn’t nailed the sideways royal wave. And so, Bruni was sadly let go one evening after the show.
    Feeling like a failure and not sure where to go, Brunhildamonster decided to give Hollywood a try and ended up on the Boulevard in front of Grauman’s playing the other half of ZZ Top with another impersonator (s)he had met on the Grey Dog coming out from NY. But when Bruni made the mistake of falling head over heels in love with ZZ #1’s girlfriend (who happened to be Hollywood Blvd’s favorite Cher impersonator and would bring tears to Bruni’s eyes every time she sang I GOT YOU BABE), (s)he was banned forever from the Blvd. That’s when things started to fall apart for this lost creature.
    It wasn’t long before Bruni had returned to NY and was arrested and committed for indefinite psychiatric observation after being picked up in St. Paul’s Cathedral for impersonating a Catholic priest. It seems that after sneaking into the monastery, drinking all of the wine and donning the best robes (s)he could find, Brunhildamonster decided to give an impromptu sermon for the tourists on why the Beatles were bigger than Jesus Christ, that there was no God and that (s)he was indeed the walrus.
    Brunhildamonster now resides at Bellevue and is in rehearsals for the first opera in the Ring Cycle. Bruni will play all of the characters and will be singing in Hebrew.
    ZZ Top#1 and Cher got married at the Rainbow Room.

  • 24 August 2009 2:52 pm

    Thank you very much for the excellent coming-of-age tale for #201, Simon. How lovely to see it appear. It’s like Old Home Week at the Daily Monster. :^)

  • 24 August 2009 2:57 pm

    Thank you for the excellent story, Karen! This is your first outing on the site, isn’t it? Very nicely done! So Bruni (any relation to Carla?) is the shadow image of what might have happened to Deborah Voigt had the people at the Covent Garden opera house not come to their senses?
    Incidentally, I always love a good Three Mile Island reference. Well played!

  • 24 August 2009 3:22 pm

    HI Ya, no action when video clicked here. I must be the sand in your oyster.

  • karen linderman
    24 August 2009 4:41 pm

    Thanks for the welcome wagon. Now I feel part of the neighborhood. No, unfortunately I don’t think Brunhildamonster ever would have brought the people of Covent Garden to their senses. Imagine Robert DiNero’s Rupert Pupkin in KING OF COMEDY–that’s Brunhildamonster. Totally believes in him/her self but just doesn’t have the talent. Sad but true. Sometimes life is just not fair.

  • Maria Piscopo, Creative Services Consultant
    24 August 2009 5:09 pm

    First of all, thank you for the Daily Monster! Sadly, I do not have a story (I write very-non-fiction)but I am very sure this is a portrait of a priest we had at our family church parish. Yes, that is him. How did you find him?

  • Megan Rodriguez
    24 August 2009 5:11 pm

    brilliant stories! love them!

  • 24 August 2009 8:25 pm

    The Fat Man laughed when I was thrown on the floor in front of him. It had been years since I last saw him. And that wasn’t a time I cared to remember.
    “So, Judge, the foot’s on the other shoe now,” he said.
    He laughed again at his own joke, loudly because no one else was. His guffaws filled the room making me feel even more claustrophobic.
    “Now it is time for a little something I call…” He waved frantically at one of his boys at the back. “…payback.”
    A door opened and a 42 piece high school orchestra entered. They formed a circle around me, pointing their instruments and their pimply little faces in my direction.
    The Fat Man waved again.
    The orchestra hit the first notes that were to give me a new definition of terror. He wouldn’t, they wouldn’t dare.
    But they did.
    I recognized it immediately, my worst fears were realized. Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On”, the love theme from Titanic.
    And the Fat Man loved every off pitch note.
    Then the Fat Man twisted the knife, he opened his fat puffy lips and… sang.
    I dropped to my knees and wept for mercy.
    I cried, “Stop, please stop. It wasn’t just me. You never would have gone to Hollywood. Paula and Randy voted against you too.”
    Somewhere a thousand rejected idols were smiling.
    And the song went on forever………………….

  • 24 August 2009 8:39 pm

    Oh my! Pupkin? That bad? Poor Monster! :^D

  • 24 August 2009 8:40 pm

    My pleasure, Maria. And you do have the germ of a story there, don’t you? You can always count on the clergy for narrative potential. :^)

  • 24 August 2009 8:40 pm

    Great, right? I love ’em, too! (Thank you for visiting, Megan. :^)

  • 24 August 2009 8:43 pm

    Bill! Back in the game! As I told (our) Simon, it’s Old Home Week! I love it. And here you have Monster-on-Cowell violence! With Celine by way of marching band. I think the Geneva convention covers this, doesn’t it? I think the Fat Man is headed to the Hague. Thank you for the great story, Bill! :^)

  • Aina
    25 August 2009 6:21 pm

    Invisible daughter: Papa don’t preach!
    Papa Monster: Hello, do i know you?
    Invisible daughter: …..

  • 25 August 2009 11:01 pm

    Oh, I’m always up for a good Madonna reference, Aina. Thank you! Though he looks a bit more like Captain Lou Albano from the Cindy Lauper videos to me. :^)

  • Mr. Ray
    27 August 2009 1:29 pm

    Daily Monster #201
    Lamooshkafiekal worked each day as a cab critic. Each night he went home to his wife and kids. Each day he waved down a taxis. He tested cab service and drivers’ records. He waved down more taxis for his job than anybody. He got paid 200 schecklans ($1,000) each day. Add it up for 2 shalloms each day for 5 days a week. How much is that? ($5,000 a week!) Each night he went home to his family.
    Lamoosh got up every morning at 4:00 a.m. He worked until dawn then took a cab to a resteraunt. Lamoosh loved to eat! He wrote reports and ate until 12:30. Then he worked until 5 p.m. so he could go back to the restaurant and eat. After dinner he went home.
    Saturday was pay day. He got his pay and went home. He always took his kids to eat at Roshe Lackookalamonsorafilamonde’. They ate and ate and ate. When they got home, they went to bed. The next day they spent the whole day together.
    Monday morning at 4 a.m. Lamooshkafiekal went to work. He waved down cabs. They all declined except for one. He ate lunch at dawn. He ate 5 shackoos, a large matalla, and a very large kakattooma shake.
    One day after breakfast, 8 cabs declined. 26 approved. It was a long morning so he went home. Lamoosh was exhausted and fell asleep. Poor Lamoosh ate so hazardously and worked so hard and was so fat – he died. Poor Lamooshkafiekal!
    Poor, poor wife ands kids of Lamooshkafiekal! Don’t you think?
    By Tiny Doorman
    5th gr. – Indiana

  • 10 November 2009 5:45 pm

    hi stefan im new here i here so much about your videows but how do i wacht them oh and i have troubel spelling sorry

  • 10 November 2009 6:18 pm

    Hello Elise,
    Thank you for visiting. If you click anywhere in the video window it should start playing. If for any reason the video is just a black rectangle above, please go to http://youtube.com/stefangbucher That has duplicate versions of all the videos. I hope you have fun. :^)

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